we're chasing vodka with high fives
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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