Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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