Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
