she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
