Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
