Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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