my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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