where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
