Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're a waste of cheezeits
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
