I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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