There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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