some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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