Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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