Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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