wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
