I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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