i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
