I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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