theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
