Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
