it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
