I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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