Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
