My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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