Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
