OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
