pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
