How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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