you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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