I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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