If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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