I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
