I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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