It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
