Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
did i just pee glitter
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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