I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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