you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
