Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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