If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
