If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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