Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
