if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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