people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
