I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
