Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
