Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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