my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
