There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
