I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
