wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
