The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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