If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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