is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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