so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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